


The Unseen Hurts

by orphan_account



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Canon - Anime, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Anime, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 19:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1911456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yukio deals with the aftermath of his awakening very poorly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unseen Hurts

                “No, Rin, you go ahead,” Yukio said, injecting false cheer in his voice. “I’ve just got some paperwork to finish up.” Predictably, his older brother hesitated.

                “Yukio, are you sure--“ he started, but Yukio waved him away.

                “If you just give me some time, I may be able to catch up with you later. Now, _scoot_!”

                “Don’t tell me to ‘scoot’,” Rin muttered, sulkily. He started to close the door, but at the last minute poked his head back in. “Yukio…call me later, alright?”

                “Of course,” he lied, smoothly, and that satisfied Rin. Finally, he was alone in their dorm. Yukio stood, waiting for Rin’s footsteps to fade down the hallways, before quietly locking the door.

                He turned now to a task even more unpleasant than paperwork.

                He teased the false bottom out of his desk drawer and removed a porcelain brazier and a wicked-looking knife. With a muttered phrase, the coals in the brazier burst into flames, licking the edges of the blade. As the metal heated, the runic inscription began to glow white-hot. Yukio had learned it was better to cauterize the wound, both for longer-lasting results and to prevent the surprising amount of blood that gushed forth the first time he attempted the…operation. It was better not to think of it as anything else.              

                Yukio gritted his teeth, grasping the hilt of the blade with one hand and the base of his-his _tail_ with the other. He suppressed a shudder as probed with his fingers, finding the slightest space between is tail bone and his first…bone in his tail. He probably knew the correct anatomical term for it, if he just thought about it he could remember.

                He chose not to think about it.

                It took one swift movement—commitment was the key, his first attempt at hacking the thing away was _agony_ —and the severed tail turned to black smoke in his hand, gently dissipating throughout the room. That, at least, was convenient enough. The acrid smell of burning would fade away in time.

                Yukio winced as he bent over and replaced his tools, shutting the drawer firmly and reaching for his homemade salve. Inhibiting his ability to heal with a blessed blade meant risking infection, but it prolonged the time until the…appendage returned. And it _would_ return, because it seemed like _nothing_ was fair—

                Yukio released a breath, slowly. Being petulant wouldn’t do him any good. _A lifetime with Rin has taught me that much_ , he thought, smiling fondly. With a bandage in place, it was like nothing had even happened. Yukio limped to the door, unlocking it again, before lying on his stomach in bed.

                No one had to know about this. It wasn’t as if it was their business, anyway. As far as they knew, Yukio kept his tail curled tightly under his jacket and that was that.

                He should have known it was never that easy.

* * *

 

                It was Shura who uncovered the truth, naturally—Yukio found that _particularly_ unfair.

                “Hey hey, little chicken!” she called, cornering him in the training room. “You don’t think you’re too big to spar with me, hmmm?”

                Yukio bit back a groan. His wound was killing him—not that Shura could know. “I’m sorry, Miss Kirigakure—“

                “If you call me that again I’ll take your -“

                “--but I’m afraid I’m already running late,” he hurriedly crammed his guns back in their holsters. “Another time, perhaps—“

                “Ah, come on,” she grinned. “They work you like a dog over there. Relax!” Then, striking like a snake, she swung her hip against his in what would otherwise have been a friendly challenge. Yukio stumbled, knocked off balance, and couldn’t hold back a strangled cry of pain. Shura’s easy grin vanished.

                “What the hell happened to you? You haven’t been out on any missions since—“

                “It’s nothing,” he cut her off, too quickly. “Just a mishap in class—“

                That was the wrong answer. Before he knew it Shura had grabbed his shirt tail and pulled it nearly over his head _. I’m lucky I wasn’t wearing my coat_ , he thought, dazed. _She would have torn it apart_.

                “Oh, you stupid idiot,” she hissed. Her face was dark as a thundercloud. “You stupid, stupid, _stupid_ idiot!”

                “It’s none of your business!” Yukio shouted back, trying to yank his shirt back down.

                “Of course it’s my  business, you dumb spotty chicken!” She roared. “You’re _hurting_ yourself!” There was something almost like concern coloring her voice. “You’re hurting yourself and you- you don’t even know how _much_! God _damn_ it!”

                Yukio was dumbfounded. Shura took the opportunity to grab him by the ear and began hauling him out the door.

                “Quit whining, we’re leaving your shit here.” She growled. “I am going to get your brother and we’re going to _talk_ about this.” 

                Yukio barely stifled a soft cry of despair

* * *

 

                Shura, unable to act like a normal human being (a phrase Yukio desperately tried to avoid, as of late), chose to kick down the door rather than trying the knob.

                “Yukio!” Rin cried, happily, oblivious to the implications of a huge crashing noise. “Dinner’s almost ready! We’re having—“ he stopped short at seeing Shura and his brother’s predicament.

                “O-oh, Sensei, I wasn’t expecting—“

                “Don’t ‘sensei’ me!” Shura snapped, then paused. “Well, actually yes, ‘Sensei’ me a lot, but not right now, when I’m _pissed_!” Rin quavered, and if Yukio had been in even a slightly less compromising position he would have rolled his eyes.

                “Your brother—“ Shura snarled, turning her wrath back on the younger Okumura, “is a _fucking idiot_.”

                It was a testimony to just how good Rin’s heart was that he didn’t gloat over his temporary promotion to ‘smart twin’. Instead he cautiously pulled off his oven mitts, face etched with concern.

                “What’s going on?” he asked, his tail twitching nervously behind him. Yukio looked down, shamefaced, and wished he was miles away from exorcists or tails…

                “Go on,” Shura gave him a rough shake. “Tell him!” Yukio remained silent, and she growled angrily.

                “Your brother—“ she started, and gestured vaguely with her free hand. “He—“ then, making a strangled noise of frustration, she once again lifted up Yukio’s shirt. His humiliation was complete.   

                Rin gasped in horror, his own tail curling protectively around his stomach. “Who did this to you?!” he demanded, his shock immediately moving to rage. “Who—tell me and I’ll—I’ll—“ Rin’s flames burst into life around him as he shook with fury. Yukio felt numb.

                “Hey! Hey, cut that shit out!” Shura snapped. “It isn’t like that, you can’t solve this one with your fists!” Something in Shura’s voice implied that if it could have been solved that way, she would have taken care of it hours ago.

                Rin blinked as his fiery halo faded to a soft flicker. “How…how did this happen then? Was it an accident…?” The silence between the three of them stretched on for what seemed like hours.                   

                “Oh…oh, my _god_ ,” Rin’s voice sounded small, swallowed up by the horror of his realization. “Yukio— _why_?!” 

                “I don’t expect you to understand,” Yukio snapped back, sounding harsher than he meant.

                “But—“

                “Just-“ he shook free of Shura’s grasp, pulling his shirt down hard. “Just leave me alone!”

                “Yukio-“ Rin placed both hands against his twin’s chest, trying to keep him still. “Talk to me- I want to help you-“

                “There’s nothing you can do, Rin,” Yukio replied, trying to shove his brother away. “You don’t— _get it_.” 

                “What’s not to get?!” Rin shouted back, his face flushed. “I can help! I’m the only one in the _entire world_ who knows what you’re going through—“

                “No,” Yukio took a step back, shaking his head. “No, you—it’s not the same. I was supposed to be _human_!”

                Rin’s expression darkened. “It’s not like I _knew_ about my demon half until it was awakened!”

                “You were _always_ different, Rin!” Yukio roared, clenching his fists. “But—this wasn’t supposed to happen to _me_!”

                Rin’s face fell, and Yukio instantly regretted his choice of words—but he didn’t take them back. His twin’s hurt turned into a hard, unreadable expression.

                “OK. You don’t want to talk to me, fine. Shura will make sure you stop—being so _stupid_.” Rin turned and began to stomp off, only pausing when he reached the door.

                “If you don’t like being around—people like me, then maybe it would be best if you moved out.” And with that he left, slamming the door behind him.

                Yukio turned, only to be stopped dead by Shura, arms crossed over her chest.

                “Go talk to your brother.”

                “How I handle my affairs doesn’t concern you—“ Yukio started, but the murderous look in her eyes made him stop.

                “You fix things with Rin right now, or you’ll regret it.” She cut him off. “Also, if you don’t, I will make sure your upcoming experience with the Order’s psychiatric care unit is _as frustrating as possible_.”

                “You can’t make me go get treatment-“

                “Oh my God, you sound like Rin—you’re fifteen and self-harming. I absolutely am going to take you to the doctor, because _you’re my only family_! God! You fucking asshole dumbshit chicken! Jesus _Christ_!” And with that, Shura grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in for a rib-crushing hug.

                It may have been laden with insults and broken a few commandments, but Yukio was stunned at how heartfelt Shura’s outburst was. His face was crushed against the bare skin of her collarbone, and he could smell the lingering cigarette smoke in her hair, along with the odor of sweat and the spicy deodorant meant to suppress it. Yukio closed his eyes, and remembered hours spent in the training room, losing time and time again to this obnoxious and suspiciously clad girl, while his father snickered in the background.

                _You’re my only family!_

At long last, Shura released him from her embrace. She gently grabbed his chin and met his eyes.

                “I don’t care if you had more tails that Kuro. You’re still Fujimoto’s kid, got it?” Yukio nodded, unsure of his voice.

                “Good. Now go fix things with your brother, and I’m going to have a beer because oh my god, teenage boys are the _worst_.”

* * *

 

                It was fifteen minutes before Yukio found Rin. In truth, he _knew_ his brother was on the roof, but he was still raw from their confrontation.

                Rin sat with his knees pulled him to his chest, looking out over True Cross Academy.  Yukio stood and watched the wind ruffle his twin’s hair for a moment before Rin broke the silence.

                “Is it so awful, being like me?”

                Yukio winced. He picked his way across the roof, settling down next to his brother gingerly.

                “I didn’t mean it like that,” he answered, slowly. “You just…it never seemed like it phased you, suddenly being… _different_. I was…” he shrugged, helplessly.

                “I was mad at you- but mostly, I was mad at myself.”

                Rin nodded, reaching out and laying a hand on Yukio’s back.       

                “I guess—I guess, when I started here, I could hide for a little bit. That made it not so bad,” Rin shrugged. “You didn’t really get that chance.”

                Yukio looked down. “I was hiding before it happened,” he said, slowly. “being…the _human_ Okumura brother. I was hiding behind you,” he smiled, weakly, “just like old times.”

                “And you’re always welcome to, little brother!” Rin smiled brightly, ruffling Yukio’s hair. Yukio scowled, but there was no heart in it.

                Rin hesitated, then pressed on. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he said, as serious as Yukio had ever seen his twin. “And I really, really, really—don’t want—“ Rin fumbled with his words, before taking a deep breath, “I don’t want you to feel so bad that you _want_ to hurt yourself. OK?”  

                Yukio looked down, biting his lip. He took a deep breath and met Rin’s gaze. “OK,” he replied, shakily. Rin seemed to understand that was all he could manage, and gave Yukio’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

                Their moment was interrupted by Shura, who poked her head through the trap door. “Are you two done yet? This is taking for-ev-er,” she whined. “Pizza’s getting cold.”

                “Pizza?! But I just made dinner!”

                Shura snorted. “Too many vegetables. After this amount of feelings-talk you need pizza, no questions. Also, I’m moving in until shit is sorted out.”

“Wait, what?” Both twins gasped.

 “Yeah, I’m gonna…supervise you, and stuff. So I’m prescribing pizza and beer and Xbox. Well—“ Shura paused. “ _I’m_ having beer. You guys can just eat pizza and lose to me at video games.”

Rin’s eyes lit up at the challenge, and Yukio found himself smiling- really, genuinely smiling- for the first time since the night things went wrong.

* * *

 

                True to her word, Shura slept like a dead person on their couch for the next few weeks, snoring loudly enough to scare the coal tars away. She did her best to give Yukio his privacy, only conducting ‘tail checks’ when Rin was in class. Under the watchful eye of his doctor (really more like a demon veterinarian, but Yukio decided not think about how degrading that felt) and his psychiatrist, Yukio’s tail grew back in for the last time—sickly, ragged, and bonier than it had been before, but free of infection or major defect.

                The whole treatment culminated with a visit from Mephisto, of all people, who gave his “littlest brother” a very long talk about heritage, demon hearts, the importance of tail etiquette. Yukio privately thought he could go without seeing that toothy shark’s smile for quite some time after that.

                For about a month after his official “recovery process” ended, Yukio still wore his tail tucked under his shirt, like Rin had before he was discovered. No one remarked on it until one lazy summer day, when the twins were lounging in Shiemi’s garden, waiting for her to finish her duties so they could join their team for an outing. Yukio, as dressed down as he’d been since he was a child, didn’t even notice when his tail slid free from under is t-shirt until Shiemi gasped.

                “Yukio! What’s wrong?” She cried. He cringed, withdrawing the offending appendage while Rin tried to intervene.  

                “Shiemi, it’s nothing—“

                “It’s not nothing!” Shiemi fired back, defiantly. “Are you sick? Your tail is…wilted!” She pressed her hand against Yukio forehead, checking for a fever.

                “I’m not sick,” Yukio replied, quietly. “That’s just…how it is.”

                Shiemi ‘humphed’ at him, indignantly, before rummaging in her pockets. She removed a small brass charm and a tiny bell. “Nee, could you give me a peony, please?”

                Yukio watched in half-fascination, half-horror as Shiemi affixed the bright pink flower, charm and bell to the end of his tail, fastening it all with a bright red ribbon. Her hands were quick and deft, giving him no time to protest. She chanted softly over her work, and Yukio felt a surge of power rush up his spine and make his hair stand on end.

                Now both brothers were staring at Shiemi, who flushed slightly. “Izumo has been teaching me some of what she knows about familiars and spells” she said, ducking her head. Yukio imagined that somewhere, Izumo was suddenly torn between mortification and smugness.

                “I—I realize that I didn’t really, uh, ask-“ Shiemi sputtered, looking more and more embarrassed. “If you want I’ll just—“

                Yukio stood, causing the bell to chime softly. He smiled.

                “It’s great, Shiemi,” he said, “I’d like to keep wearing it, if you don’t mind. You’re going to do great on your doctor’s meister.”

                Shiemi looked like she wanted to die, but also like she might float away into the ether. Yukio leaned over and helped her to her feet.

                “Are you ready to go?”

                “Uh, _no_!” Rin protested. “I want an awesome tail charm _too_!” 

                And for the first time in a very long time, Yukio laughed aloud.


End file.
